How to Pass a Drug Test, For $5

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How to Pass a Drug Test, For $5

How to Pass a Drug Test, For $5

Posted by Anonymous on Oct 4th 2018


Before I get into how this works, I must make a disclaimer...

Elevate and the author(s) of this blog are NOT responsible or liable, in any way, for the outcome of your drug test. If you attempt this technique, you do so at your own risk. If you are someone who is seriously addicted to drugs, please seek help. Do not do this technique more than twice per year.

Avoid the many companies trying to capitalize on your fear of failing a drug test

You know the feeling: You have a job offer on the table but the last thing you need to do before being hired is pass a drug test. You're totally freaked out because you are either a regular smoker, a once in awhile consumer, or you dabble in some mind altering substances from time to time. The bright side is, aside from consuming cannabis, most of those substances will metabolize quickly and be filtered out of your system in a matter of days. However, cannabis is another story. Even if you only smoke once a week, you may need 30-45 days before the THC is totally out of your system, and for daily smokers, possibly longer.

You may decide to go to your nearest head shop or variety store and pick up an expensive drug test kit or fake pee. Do not buy that crap. Not only are these companies predatory on people in your position, they are also not 100% effective (nothing is). However, the technique list below is the closest thing I've found to a sure thing.

Does it work?

In my own experience this has worked 5 times for me and countless times for friends I have turned onto it. There was one test that came back "inconclusive" due to the fact that I drank too much water before the test and the urine sample was mostly water, so I had to take the test again (and I passed the second time). I am a regular smoker, smoking at least once per day, to give you a baseline, and in many of those 5 cases, I was smoking up to a few days before the test. 

(In case you are wondering, my goto smoking devices are the Skate Deck Dugout Kit (I know, I'm spoiled), and the Fillmore Bubbler for dabbing.)


So what's the trick??

Certo.

What the fuck is Certo?, you might be asking. Well, its common use is for preserving jellies and jams, for those of you do-it-yourself folks out there. However, the preservative added to the gel is great for masking the THC in your system without showing something shady in your test. 

Certo

Here's how it works:

This is for urine tests only. Hair follicle or blood tests are not helped by this masking technique. 

1. Stay very hydrated the few days leading up to the test. Drink a lot of water and apple juice (a natural cleanser) as soon as you know you need to take the test, and pee often. Typically you will have up to a week before you have to take the test. Also, it's probably best not to consume any cannabis leading up to the test. If you are consuming for medical reasons, limit it as much as you can. 

The day before the test:

1. Keep drinking a lot of water, but be careful not to drink too much. Drink about a 16oz glass every 1-2hrs. 

2. Go by yourself some Certo (that's the brand name). You can usually find this at your local big chain grocery store in the aisle with all the baking goods. Ask someone if you can't find it. It will come in a blue box of two pouches, that's the one you want. 


The day of the test:

1. Drink slightly more water than usual, but don't go crazy chugging.

2. Timing is everything. Know what time your test is to be done. If you are to be tested at 2pm, plan to get there right before the test time and know how long it will take you to drive there. 

3. 2 hours before the test time, drink the first pouch of Certo. It is a lot easier to get down if you mix it with about 1oz of water in a small glass and then just shoot it. It tastes awful (kinda like metal), but you gotta get it down. 

4. Continue your normal water intake and peeing when you need to. 

5. About 30min before the test time, drink the second pouch of Certo. This is where the timing is important. If the testing facility is 30min away, you will want to drink the stuff and leave right away. 

6. DO NOT PEE ANYMORE, DO NOT DRINK ANY MORE WATER.

7. Get to the test site and take your test as usual. You will definitely have to pee by the time you get there. You will notice that your pee is kind of the color of the Certo, which is kind of pee colored to begin with. That's what you want to see.

That's it! It really is that simple and that cheap. 

Good luck on your next test!!